The most awful thing I have ever seen

I've been in the Greek Islands. Its been lovely. But there is nothing new or exciting to say about it that has not been said or seen by everyone else that has been here. So I won't bore you with the details.

However, I will tell you about a sight I saw last night that utterly appalled and amused me.

There are a lot of stray animals in the Greek Islands. Lots of idle cats and dogs prowling through your legs as you sit in an outdoor cafe; you constantly see dogs sleeping on the beach, cats leaping from balcony windows...

Understandably, none of them are desexed. So when a dog is on heat, it commands a lot of attention from nearby males.

I was standing outside a beach bar in Santorini when my conversation was drowned out by the hysterical barking of many dogs. I surveyed the situation: a pretty little Cocker Spaniel (clearly a female) was being chased by two very eager (male) dogs: a Dalmation (I think) and a Doberman. The male dogs were both violently vying to be the one to stick their nose up the popular Spaniel's bottom, she seemed quite bemused by the attention, and alternately let one and the other have a sniff and lick. She eventually started to give the Doberman preference, to the apparent insult and anger of the Dalmation, who proceeded to bark vehemently at the ass-licking couple. This, of course, is all very normal dog-mating behaviour.

The Doberman proceeded to mount the flattered Cocker Spaniel. Again, all very normal, albeit amusing while drinking a Sex on the Beach cocktail at Happy Hour.

It was when the insanely jealous Dalmation, still yelping and head-butting the enamoured lovers, managed to knock over the Doberman mid-stroke, resulting in the most curious sexual position I have ever seen in dogs (not of course to suggest that I am intimately familiar with sexual positions for dogs): bottom to bottom.

Unfortunately, all the stress of this thwarted threesome resulted in - what I was told by my travel companion, Sian, is a strange but true biological feature of mating dogs - the Doberman's penis ejecting barbs that entrapped it within the clearly confused Spaniel. Supposedly this is a feature that ensures continuance of the species, ie. if you are disturbed during sex, your penis traps you inside to ensure the sperm still reaches its goal; but I couldn't help but think it was a very badly thought out design flaw, and perhaps some practical joke by the Powers that Be.

For there, on the streets of Santorini, two dogs were trapped bottom to bottom, with the indignant Dalmation still barking furiously. The Spaniel and Doberman could not diengage, and waddled around the street, attached at the bottom. Whenever the Doberman attempted to walk, the poor little lady would be dragged by her bottom, backwards. It looked like some nightmarish vision of mutated animals, but no, it was these two dogs that couldn't detach from their interlude.

Various onlookers attempted to help disengage the couple, which despite all attempts to be serious, could only envoke hilarity from onlookers: "Aah, there is Pete attempting to coax a dogs penis down!" It was awful to see, like some car-crash that you were appalled but fascinated by.

For half an hour these two attached dogs walked (awkwardly) back and forth in front of our cafe. I tried to distract myself from the nightmarish vision, but every time I sneaked a look, yep, the dogs were still attached and barking furiously. They waddled awkwardly past a semi-posh restaurant, and it was darkly funny to see everyone inside work out what was happening, and then either burst into laughter or a shocked grimace or both.

What particularly amused me was the expression on the Spaniel's face. Like every patient woman out there, she bore an expression of calm grace, her beautiful face bearing the tribulation with a small trace of a grin.

Eventually the dogs detached to the immense relief of all witnesses. Off went the Spaniel, happy and (possibly) pregnant; off went the Doberman to nurse his no doubt injured manhood. The Dalmation was long gone in a sulking fit.

Apologies for the rather lewd entry - but I am in the very beautiful, tourist friendly, less tout-filled and less stare-filled Greece, but its tameness doesn't satisfy me as much as Turkey's rawness did. So when I see chaotic nature on the streets of Greece, I savour it as a sign the world isn't yet totally tamed or pretty or savoury. There are still sights that can shock and amuse and fascinate, even in the midst of normality and culture and blandness.